poetsthought's Diaryland Diary


lil' piece of writing \"Dubious Psyche\"

Oct. 9th, 2005, Sunday
Dubious Psyche

It starts just below the surface, like an earthquake almost. It's the little things that string it together, creating waves, moving feet, corrupting lives. Just below the surface... it bubbles undetected, until finally it spills over, hindering any in its path... confusing those once set in a direction.

It can be any time, any where, any day. It just is... and that's how it starts. Simple, just one thought, one look... then it's all around you before you can stop it. Bubbling before the surface, it feeds off insecurities, takes heart in the little things that corrupt a decent day. Damaging the psyche bit by bit, chipping away at the surface until little pin pricks force open the mind, forcing the worms of doubt and deception into your mind, taking over and feeding off the lies.

Hour by hour, you notice the change. It slithers into your thoughts, feeding you lies and doubts, causing you to second guess every second, every moment. Around and around you go, repeating every moment, every sentence, analyzing, dissecting, picking apart every comment, every smile, every look. In your hands you find yourself holding everything; all that you were, and everything you could be. Under your probing gaze, it crumbles, the dust sifts through your fingers, inscrutable to your tortured eyes.

Using your mind as a projector, you tear apart everything; ripping apart every thought, emotion, every phrase. You see every moment ever spent together, every time you thought of them. Every feeling, every laugh, every tear; you see it all. And in seeing it, you see the truth, you rip apart the lies, and see the underside... the blaring white surface of obviousness. Staring into your face, you see that what was so very yours really wasn't yours at all.

Holding your hands before you, the wind scatters the dust of what used to be everything. Everything you wanted, needed, and knew; it's all gone. One single sliver of doubt eased its way into your day, and now you're left with nothing at all, because it was all picked apart and scrutinized and now you don't believe anything you knew anymore.

In the end, you're left feeling alone, discarded, and not sure anymore. You finish your day in the fog, smothered by the doubt and deception that has erased anything you ever knew. Left alone, you succumb to the darkness as the light fades around you, leaving you alone to your own lies and tears; doubtful of everything you ever knew.

8:25 PM - 10.10.05 Monday


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: