poetsthought's Diaryland Diary


lil' piece of writing \"Goodbye\"

Jan. 27th, 2005, Thursday


        Those eyes, oh how they have haunted me. For years, I have held on, hoping, wishing, wondering if they would ever turn my way...
        And they haven't; or will they ever. Eventually, after four long years of holding onto that hope, of seeing each one come and go... now it is my turn to leave. For now it comes down to casting aside my dreams to give into his needs, or to get back on track and make something of my life. I must get back on track, I must pick up these pieces of myself that I have long kept hidden.
        It is my turn to say goodbye.

        Those eyes, they have haunted me for too long. Too long have I held out hope, thinking that he was the one for me. For too long I kept a part of myself hidden, only to be given over to him. And that part of myself, I should alone hold, for he would not do me the justice I so strongly deserve.
        For so long, I thought that I would be good for him, always denying the truth that he was bad for me. For so long, I thought that if I waited long enough, he would eventually see me standing by his side, never wanting to be elsewhere. For too long, I held onto a fallacy, denying the true image of him that was before me.
        I have finally reached the point of no return. Either I give into this hope, this false love, these feelings, or I finally turn my back on this false image I have built in my heart and face the truth.
        No matter how much it hurts to finally admit the truth, to finally admit to myself, and there by giving up any hope, that he will never see me in the light that I have for so long captured him in... it is still the truth, and only the truth shall set me free.

        When the pros and cons are weighed out, I am left to wonder why he is even in my life. He never talks to me, never calls me, never emails me; I really don't know anything about him. I have done myself a major wrong by allowing him to even be in my life, for there is nothing more than that. Maybe, with time, this shall change... but that, too, is most likely a fallacy that will never become true. Almost a decade he has been in my life, and I know nothing more of him than before.
        Finally, I see that there was never anything there to begin with. A mere crush that grew and festered into something built completely on "what if's" and "maybe's."
        I don't deserve this, or this treatment. Maybe, one day he will see that he could have had a great friend in me... but until that day comes...
        I must say goodbye.

        To those eyes that have haunted me for too long, I bid them adieu. Goodbye, salut, maybe one day you will realize your loss... and maybe one day you shall trust me enough to actually be my friend.
        Goodbye... salut, the day has come to an end, adieu...

2:40 PM - 01.27.05 Thursday


previous - next

latest entry

about me





random entry

other diaries: