poetsthought's Diaryland Diary

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piece of writing \"Thus Ends Their Manipulation\"

"Thus Ends Their Manipulation" --01.01.05 Saturday--
A few tears; a rumble in the throat. "There's a fine line between work and playh. And I've learned what NOT to do well." Eyes well with tears and nose becomes runny causing a few sniffles.

My, how easy it is to manipulate and to give what they want. Its like watching a play unfold before you and they are puppets on a string you are manipulating.

For the first time, how very powerful it is can truly be seen. Hatred, love, disappointment... all are toys to be played and used accordingly. Never in one moment has it become ever so clear the difference between.

I am me, and they are them... never changing, just growing older. I am as water, flowing freely where I may, never letting them manipulate me-- it was all a show I put on to satisfy the sadness in his voice-- I took pity on him for the first time ever.

I realized in those few moments all that has happened-- and now as his words echoed through my mind-- I let it go. He can think of me as he wants (and she too)... but only I can make me feel like a worthless piece of shit.

For so many years they manipulated me like the wind-- twisting and swaying my branches every which way...
Until today. Until now.
It all seems so much clearer somehow.

Punish me, show your disappointment-- I will keep flowing on, towards my path, my destiny, finally letting fall to the ground the shackles you have always bound me with.

I am free, to be me... as only I can be.

No more shall I nurture myself back out of that well, finally I see them laid bare-- pessimistic, greedy human beings to the core. Cover it up with "wisdom" and your complaints-- but I finally see through it.

Now it is my turn.
My turn to manipulate, to push and prod, to torture and burn. Now, it is my turn to show you the parts of myself you shall never see up close, yourself-- you shall never see all that is me-- for never will you really see it.

I am finally allowed to dream that dream of castles in the sky, of knowing the power it is that I hold inside.

Now, it is my time... to let go and to enjoy... to work hard and to continue staying true to that person that I am... finally clean and uncovered after years of mud, dirt, and grime.

I am free.

11:38 PM - 01.04.05 Tuesday

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